If you’ve started thinking about divorce, you’ve probably heard a lot of advice – from friends, family, or even social media. Unfortunately, much of that advice is based on myths or outdated information. Divorce laws vary by state, and what’s true in one place may not apply in another.
Whether you live in Kansas or Missouri, understanding the facts can help you make smarter decisions and avoid unnecessary stress. Here are some of the most common divorce myths – and the truth behind them.
1. “If my spouse cheated, I’ll get everything.”
This is one of the most widespread misconceptions. While infidelity can feel deeply unfair, both Kansas and Missouri are no-fault divorce states. That means you don’t have to prove wrongdoing to get a divorce, and fault (like cheating) usually doesn’t determine how property is divided or who gets custody.
However, there is one exception: if a spouse used marital funds on an affair – such as buying gifts or paying for travel – a court may consider that when dividing assets. In other words, bad behavior can matter financially, but it won’t automatically give one person everything.
2. “We’ve been separated for years, so we’re already divorced.”
Living apart doesn’t equal being divorced. In both Kansas and Missouri, there’s no such thing as an automatic divorce through separation – even if you’ve lived separately for a long time.
You’re still legally married until a court issues a final divorce decree. That means financial and legal ties remain intact, including shared debts, property rights, and even potential responsibility for new debts your spouse takes on.
If you’ve been separated for years, it may be worth consulting a family law attorney to formalize the divorce and close any lingering legal or financial connections.
3. “We’ve lived together forever – we’re common-law married.”
This myth causes a lot of confusion, especially for couples who have been together for years without a formal ceremony.
Here’s the truth: Kansas recognizes common-law marriage, but Missouri does not.
In Kansas, a couple may be considered legally married without a ceremony or marriage license if they:
- Are legally eligible to marry (e.g., not married to someone else)
- Intend to be married
- Publicly present themselves as husband and wife
That said, common-law marriage isn’t automatic just because you’ve lived together for a certain number of years. You must be able to show mutual intent and public representation as a married couple.
In Missouri, on the other hand, common-law marriage hasn’t been recognized since 1921. No matter how long a couple has lived together, they’re not considered married in the eyes of Missouri law. This distinction is important when it comes to property division, inheritance, or ending the relationship – because if you’re not legally married, you can’t file for divorce.
There are other options for couples who have lived together for a long time and have acquired real property. Call to schedule a consultation, and we can discuss those options.
4. “Mothers always get custody.”
This myth is outdated but still very common. In both Kansas and Missouri, courts make custody decisions based on the best interests of the child, not gender.
Judges consider factors such as each parent’s relationship with the child, stability, home environment, and ability to cooperate with the other parent. Both states encourage shared parenting whenever possible because research shows that children usually benefit from maintaining strong relationships with both parents.
In Missouri, the law now includes a presumption that joint custody – meaning both parents share significant time and responsibility – is in the child’s best interests. This doesn’t mean every case will result in a perfectly equal schedule, but it does reflect a growing recognition that children generally thrive when both parents remain actively involved.
In short, neither parent starts with an advantage based solely on gender. Custody decisions focus on what arrangement best supports the child’s stability, safety, and overall well-being.
5. “If everything’s in my name, I get to keep it.”
This is a big one – and it’s often wrong. Both Kansas and Missouri follow equitable distribution rules, meaning marital property is divided fairly, though not always equally.
Generally, any property or assets acquired during the marriage – even if only one spouse’s name is on the title or account – are considered marital property. That includes houses, vehicles, retirement accounts, and income.
Items owned before the marriage, or received as gifts or inheritances, may be considered separate property, but even those can become mixed (or “commingled”) over time. That’s why it’s important to understand what counts as marital versus separate before assuming ownership.
6. “Divorce means going to court.”
While movies and TV often show heated courtroom battles, most divorces never reach that stage. In reality, many couples resolve their issues through negotiation, mediation, or collaborative divorce.
In these approaches, both spouses work together to find solutions – often with the help of attorneys or a neutral mediator – without lengthy court hearings. When couples can agree on key issues like property division, child custody, and support, a judge simply reviews the agreement and finalizes it.
Avoiding courtroom litigation can save time, money, and emotional strain for everyone involved.
7. “I don’t need a lawyer if we agree on everything.”
Even in the most amicable situations, it’s smart to have an attorney review your paperwork. Divorce involves legal documents that must be correctly drafted and filed to be enforceable. Mistakes – even small ones – can delay the process or cause serious problems later.
A short consultation with a family law attorney can ensure your agreement covers all the necessary details and complies with Kansas or Missouri law. Think of it as a safeguard for your peace of mind.
8. “Divorce is always a long, expensive battle.”
It doesn’t have to be. The time and cost of a divorce depend largely on how much you and your spouse can agree on.
Uncontested divorces, where both parties reach an agreement before filing, tend to be faster and far less expensive than contested cases. Mediation and cooperative approaches also help keep costs manageable.
While some cases do require court intervention – especially when complex finances or custody disputes are involved – many couples are able to finalize their divorce efficiently with the right preparation and mindset.
9. “Child support and spousal support are the same thing.”
These two forms of support are often confused, but they serve different purposes.
Child support is money paid by one parent to help cover the costs of raising a child – such as housing, food, clothing, and education. It’s based on state guidelines that take into account both parents’ incomes and the child’s needs.
It’s also important to understand that child support isn’t something parents can simply agree to waive. In both Kansas and Missouri, the court must approve any child support arrangement, and judges generally will not allow parents to waive support entirely. That’s because child support is considered the right of the child, not the right of either parent to negotiate away.
Spousal support (also called maintenance in Kansas and alimony in Missouri) is financial support from one spouse to the other after divorce. It’s designed to help balance income disparities, at least temporarily, while one spouse becomes self-supporting. You are not guaranteed spousal support just because you have been married for a specific amount of time.
Not every divorce includes spousal support, but child support is required whenever minor children are involved.
10. “There’s a big advantage to filing for divorce first.”
Many people believe that the spouse who files for divorce – known as the petitioner – automatically gains a legal or strategic advantage. In reality, filing first rarely changes the outcome of your case.
In both Kansas and Missouri, the person who files first simply starts the process and pays the initial filing fee. The other spouse, called the respondent, still has the same opportunity to present their case, request custody, and seek a fair division of property or support.
That said, there can be some practical benefits to filing first. The petitioner sets the initial pace of the case, chooses the timing, and may have a small advantage in presenting their side first at hearings. Filing first can also help protect assets or ensure temporary orders are in place early – for example, regarding custody, support, or use of the marital home.
However, these advantages are procedural, not substantive. Courts in both states focus on fairness, evidence, and the best interests of any children – not on who filed first. If you’re considering filing, the most important step is to be prepared: gather your documents, understand your rights, and consult with a family law attorney before taking action.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is never easy, but understanding the truth behind common myths can make the process less confusing and more manageable. Whether you live in Kansas or Missouri, accurate information is your best tool for making informed decisions.
Before acting on advice from friends or the internet, take time to speak with a family law professional who understands your state’s specific rules and can guide you through the process.
With the right knowledge and support, you can move forward with clarity – and start building a stable, hopeful future beyond the myths.
This content is for general informational purposes only, does not constitute legal advice, and does not create an attorney-client relationship. We urge you to consult a qualified attorney for advice tailored to your specific situation.
